...longing for more of jesus

What If I Stumble?

2005-08-04T19:50:00.000-07:00

There's a song, "What if I stumble, what if I fall? What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all? Will the lovecontinue or the walk become a crawl? What if I stumble, what if I fall?"

I think I did just that. Number one, I don't say any of this for attention, I'm just veryhonest about my feelings. Anyways, I relapsed. Started using drugs again. No complex reason, just stopped taking things to God and started living on my own strength. Started numbing pain instea of dealing with it. So, it all came out in the open (the Bible says all things done in secret will be found out). My dean/boss/mentor found out and I confessed. I got dismissed from TCIMI but with opporunity to come back in 6 months if I complete what they call Restoration. It's Teen Challenge again, but for 6 months and a lot more focused counseling and healing. It'll be good. So, I can let this ruin me and destroy me or pickup my bootstraps, admit I was wrong (not done easily), face my consequenses and walk on. So, that is what I will do...

If I don't post for a while (Like 6 moths) this is why, I love you all and thanks for your prayers.

Contadiction?!?

2005-07-20T14:40:00.000-07:00

Sermon on the Mount… or plain?

Matthew 5-7
Luke 6:17-26

The apparent contradiction occurs in Luke 6:17 where it states that Jesus came down off the slopes of the mountain to teach the crowds on a level area versus Matthew 5:1 where it states that Jesus went up the mountainside to teach His disciples. Basically, what I see (personally) is that just like a pastor may teach the same thing many times, Jesus did too. He talked many times about the same things and this could be the case. The word is God-breathe and inerrant. God cannot contradict Himself and since He is the Word, the Word has no contradictions. I believe in this case that there were two separate occasions on which Jesus taught the Beatitudes; one with His disciples on a mountain, another on a plain for all to hear.

Your thoughts???

Check out this website, it's good.

2005-07-14T10:05:00.000-07:00

www.undertheoverpass.com

Daddy's Arms

2005-06-17T10:26:00.000-07:00

This is a song I just wrote. No music to it yet. What do ya think?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Daddy's Arms

A tiny little girl, her daddy has been gone
It’s time to go and get him ‘cause he is coming home
She rushes out to meet him, her hands lifted in the air
He picks her up and hugs her, all she wants is to stay there

(Chorus)
In Daddy’s arms
She’s longing for her Daddy’s arms
She wants him to hold her and never let her go
In her Daddy’s arms, her Daddy’s arms
She wants to stay forever
Safe in her Daddy’s arms

A few years later, look how much she’s grown
Tryin’ to spread her wings, but the school kids knock her down
She wants nothing more, than to just be one of them
Seeks refuge in her daddy, but he’s lost in his own sin

Chorus

After a long time, she’s doin’ things all on her own
She’s got a new man, yet she’s feeling all alone
He likes to yell and scream and when it gets real bad
He just goes and hits her and she longs for things once had

Chorus

Now she’s down to nothing and doesn’t know what to do
She picks up the phone hopin’ her call will go through
He picks up on the first ring, she doesn’t know what to say
“Daughter, I know it’s you, I’ve been waiting for this day

You see, I’ve found Jesus, He’s changed my life around
I’m sorry for the things I’ve done, sorry that I let you down
But I need to tell you, how much that God cares
He’s standing there waiting, with His open arms”

“Daddy I’m ready, and I’m sorry too
Please tell me about Jesus and the things that He can do
I know I’ve hit the bottom and I can’t do it anymore
I think this is the answer that I’ve been waiting for”

Her Father’s arms
She found the true Father’s arms
She wants Him to hold her and never let her go
Her Father’s arms, her Father’s arm
She’s staying there forever
Safe in her Father’s arms
The real Father’s arms

Josh Kraus

2005-06-14T14:28:00.000-07:00

This is a testimony from a friend of mine, Josh. He is an amazing man of God with an incredible story.

Greetings! My name is Joshua Kraus. I grew up on a little farm in southern Idaho. I love to kick it with Jesus and break mountain bikes. Long ago, however, things were not so green and good. Somehow, thanks to methamphetamines, I managed to fit two cars, two houses full of furnishings, six or seven mountain bikes, five or six girlfriends, forty-three decent friends, and about nine guns into the junkie hole in my arm. God set many "land mines" in my path over the years and I dodged most of them, but when police discovered a methlab at my house, my world exploded. My prideful heart finally cracked. I accepted the Lord and prayerfully decided to go to Teen Challenge.
Since my first day in Teen Challenge, I’ve been carefully and thoroughly trained to decisively wield the weapons of war in this dark world where we live. My job security as a drug dealer shot in the foot, I found myself rethinking a career. God has been tugging at my heart to lead and protect his little ones, so I reside here at TCIMI, where I am being shaped into the coolest youth pastor ever. Pastor Jefferies has hand-picked our curriculum and proves to know exactly what he’s doing. The hard-core work ethic I learned at Spokane Teen Challenge has totally paid off. I work an almost full time job at a welding shop, where I do Spirit-guided-custom-fabricated exhausts.
One of the coolest things about this place is getting involved in my first church. I’m there almost every time the doors open- because I WANT TO BE THERE. I believe that’s an essential for ALL of us Teen Challenge graduates. The kids in my youth group are awesome and they stimulate my growth every day. On Friday nights, all of us TCIMI soldiers head to downtown Portland to feed some of the most broken people I’ve ever seen. The homeless epidemic here is shocking. We get to shine into their lives a little more every week we’re down there. We have figured out the right equation where we love them but don’t enable them in their slothful habits.
I hope God has used me to encourage some of you to join us. I am praying for God to send twenty fighting men and women to bolster our ranks. There will always be job security when your employer is God of the Universe!
God bless!

4 Practices in Building an Effective Prayer Life

2005-06-09T10:29:00.000-07:00

Prayer is the heartbeat of our spiritual life. It’s our heart becoming one with God’s through the power of His love. Salvation establishes this love with our Creator, but there are four main things that we can to do strengthen the foundation of our prayer life. The first thing is to personalize and develop a disciplined pattern of prayer. Second, pray the scriptures. Third, pray in the Spirit and fourth, learning to wait upon God.

In personalizing a pattern of discipline in our prayer lives, we must take into account some very important things. The first is to set aside specific times for prayer. In doing this, we ensure ourselves that quality time is being spent in prayer. Next we must choose prayer objectives. For example, on Mondays one might focus on praying for missions, Tuesdays for government, Wednesdays for the church and so on. Choosing prayer objectives allows for us to focus on our prayer time and not be distracted as easily. Finally, we must pray continually. The Bible says to pray without ceasing. When we come to God in regular prayer, we will be able to trust Him so much more in times of emergency prayer in crisis.

A very significant way to develop an effective prayer life is to use Scripture to guide our prayer lives. For example, Matthew 6:6, Philippians 4:6-7, and Hebrews 4:16 give us examples of how to pray. Matthew tells us to go into a room and pray secretly to the Father. Philippians tells us to present our requests to God with thanksgiving, and Hebrews tells us to pray with confidence. When we use Scripture to guide our prayer time, we are disposed to the incredible character of God.

Another thing we can do is pray in the Spirit. Jude 20 tells us to “pray in the Holy Spirit”. In this context that means to pray in tongues. Praying in tongues can encourage the body and bring messages of hope, rebuke and instruction, but most importantly, it is our personal prayer language with God. Praying in the Spirit is an effective means of avoiding the tendency for prayer to become dull and ritualistic.

Maybe one of the most important ways we can develop an effective prayer life is to wait upon God. Isaiah tells us that “those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength.” When we wait upon God this shows that we are expecting and believing that He will move and when He does, we will join Him. It allows us to focus on God and not ourselves. When we focus on God we recognize more and more character qualities that He has that build our faith and trust in Him. It also allows us to develop the ability to hear God. The more time we sped listening to and for His voice, the more we will begin to recognize and understand it.

All in all building an effective prayer life takes time. Setting up a disciplined plan including praying according to the Scripture, praying in the Spirit and meditation, waiting upon God. The reward is a greater expectancy on the fulfillment of our prayers. The more we pray, the closer we get to the heart of God.

The Seven Realities

2005-05-31T15:38:00.000-07:00

In this post I will discuss the seven realities of experiencing God as they relate to and are prevalent in my life. In my post, some things I discuss will be personal, but are necessary as they illustrate and show God’s continued refining process in me. I hope to impart encouragement as I share these things, as they are testimony to the power of God. If He can work in and through me, He can work through anyone.

Reality 1: God is always at work around me.

In the New Testament Paul says something simple, yet profound and maybe even encouraging. He says, “no one is without sin; not even one.” Encouraging? Yes. It means that I can stop trying to be perfect. I’m not saying quit growing in the Lord or changing, but to stop pursuing something that is not mine. God is at work in me. He is molding me and shaping me. Through my sisters and some conflict here at TCIMI, God is revealing things that need changing in me but also providing me with Godly people to uphold me and keep me accountable. I have not “arrived” until I am in Heaven, but God is here, now, and wants to work in me.

Reality 2: God pursues a continuing love relationship with me that is real and personal.

God is not a distant, cold, unassociated God. He is my best friend, my lover, counselor, savior, and my king. He loves me and shows me daily. Whether its through the kind word of a sister, the sunset, or a quiet whisper in my heart while reading His word, God reaffirms and confirms His love for me. Not only that, but He pursues a deeper relationship with me. With the trials that I am going through right now, probably the hardest time in my life, God is showing me that He’s ready to go to the next level with me. When trials come, God is there and very, very involved. There’s a whole spiritual realm that He’s fighting for me in. I tell myself this when it seems like He’s immediately not doing anything. He’s my knight in shining armor who would and did go to the ends of the earth for me.

Reality 3: God invites me to become involved with Him in His work.

When I was 15 on a mission trip to Mexico, God called me to be a full time missionary. I got scared and ran. I ran hard and fast from His call to be involved, but every time I turned around, He kept reaffirming His call for me. Now that I’ve been through and am involved with Teen Challenge, God has showed me what I will be doing in Mexico. Opening up a youth Teen Challenge is now my goal. God invites, doesn’t force me to be involved, WITH HIM, in His work. Not by myself in my own work. J

Reality 4: God speaks by the Holy Spirit through the Bible, prayer, circumstances, and the church to reveal Himself, His purposes, and His ways.

Many times when I think the God isn’t answering my prayers, it’s because I am not opening up the Word. I think the Bible is the # 1 way that God speaks to His people. My greatest times of encouragement and renewal in the Lord came while reading the Word. God also uses the church and circumstances to confirm things. Many times I’ve had people come up to me and say,” God’s called you to Mexico” or,” You’re going to be a missionary, huh?” These are confirmations not only of His call, but also of His love for me.

Reality 5: God’s invitation for me to work with Him always leads me to a crisis of belief that requires faith and action.

I can’t walk on water until I get out of the boat. When the Lord told Peter to come out onto the water, Peter had a crisis of belief. Everything he believed about the water told him not to. People sink in water, the waves would knock him down, and who can walk on water. Peter had to actually have faith that he wouldn’t sink and then actually step out of the boat before he could walk on the water. Same is true in life. God calls us to grasp what is not within our reach. We have to rethink all we believe and know to be true, have faith God will provide, and actually take action. Coming to Teen Challenge from a worldly stance, I had to rethink all I ever knew to be true. I had to trust the Lord that I was doing the right thing, and then actually let Him work in me.

Reality 6: I must make major adjustments in my life to join God in what He is doing.

I left my home, my family, my friends, everything to come here to TCIMI. Besides TC (which was only an hour and a half from my hometown) I loved my whole life in the same county. North Kitsap county, it’s places, and it’s residents are all I ever knew until I moved here to Oregon. That is a major adjustment, but a necessary one if I am to follow the Lord’s calling for my life. It hurts like Hell but God wants all of me and that includes my relationships. He wants me out of my comfort zone so He can work, not I.

Reality 7: I come to know God by experience as I obey Him and He accomplishes His work through me.

My obedience is directly related to how effective I will be for God. As I obey Him and let Him work in me, the more He will be willing to use me. Every experience I have is an opportunity to obey God and get to know Him. Every time I am hurt by an ex-boyfriend’s e-mail or by my little sister’s cutting, I have an opportunity to act in flesh (sin) or to surrender (obey) the Lord. Where my hands are, God’s can’t be. God’s called me to let Him be in control. Not for me to take control, break the situation and hand it back to Him in tiny little pieces. God can fix my mistakes, but He doesn’t have to if He has all of me in the first place.

All in all, God loves me. He wants me involved in His work. He’s living and active. He pursues me. How encouraging to know we serve a God who wants us just as we are; addicts, self-mutilators, liars, thieves, and the failures that in and of ourselves we are.

Update!

2005-05-27T14:05:00.000-07:00

Hello from sunny Oregon. The weather is crazy here. We went for super rainy and thunder and lightning storms to 94F and tomorrow is supposed to be stormy here. I hope I get a paycheck soon though because I have NO summer clothes! Do you know what it's like to sleep in your sweats when it's a million and a half degrees out!?! It's crazy! Anywho...

God has been so faithful. I am healing up well from my little truck-runs-me-over mishap. I quit my job at Burgerville because I have been hired on to work at the Portland Teen Challenge Women's Center. I am so blessed. I am getting paid to tell people about the love of Jesus and the power we have in Him. How blessed am I?

The quarter is almost over. Finals are on June 6th and 7th. I have 5 papers to write before then. Praise God! I am getting all A's and B's so far so that is good. Well... off to do homework. Have a blessed day! Love you!

Why is Conflict So Difficult to Resolve?

2005-05-23T15:48:00.000-07:00

Being a personal, this will be my view based on my experiences. I think that conflict is so hard to resolve because of personal rights. When things happen to me that I feel should or shouldn’t have, my personal rights have been violated. When I get called a name, spoken down to, or don’t get thanked isn’t when the conflict begins. Nine times out of ten, the conflict starts because I feel violated and begin to build resentment and bitterness.

Generally, personal right conflicts can be resolved by overlooking or clarifying. I could choose to overlook when a brother or sister forgets to thank me for picking her up, but I might want to politely say something if a brother or sister does something that is a trigger for me. Most of the time though, I feel hurt and get bitter causing the “forest” to begin growing in my eye. The situation becomes hard to see in right mind because I cannot clearly see out of my own eyes.

Another reason conflict is so difficult to resolve is because of justification or excusing. If a brother or sister approaches me concerning an issue, per say; losing my temper or lying, I would tend to say something like,” Oh, it’s ok, she raised her voice first and upset me” or maybe, “It’s not a problem, I said that to protect her.”

Unresolved conflict is a sin. We are told not to come to the alter with unresolved conflict. We’re told to set our offering aside and go and reconcile ourselves with our brother or sister and then come to the alter. (Matthew 5:23)

I would say the biggest reason that conflict is so hard to resolve is that we don’t want to give up or sacrifice our personal rights. We’d rather be in conflict and be right and (falsely) feel good than to set our desires aside or crucify our own flesh. The Lord calls us to holiness and sometimes that means not getting our own way

Innocent Criminal

2005-05-17T13:09:00.000-07:00

Read Luke 23:32-43
In a modest town on China’s borders, three criminals were sentenced to death. This wasn’t a noteworthy thing, except for the fact that this time one of the criminals was innocent. For the two guilty criminals, reparation was just. Together they had robbed many banks, homes, and businesses; sometimes violently. All three were set to be executed by a firing squad. For the innocent criminal however, her punishment was unjust.
China is a communist country. Christianity is forbidden. Being of the Christian faith is ironically an “unforgivable sin”. The accused was apprehended during a church service in which she was leading. The government had been watching her for some time, following her every move. She was watched as she smuggled in thousands of Bibles and Christian literature, publicly spoke about her faith, and even lead gatherings where hundreds of people came from all over.
She met the morning of the execution with prayer. She did this in an inobtrusive way, as not to draw unnecessary attention to herself. She pleaded with her God, asking Him for a way out but realizing and acknowledging that if it was His will, she would follow it with out irresolution. The three criminals were brought together into one room and were told to wait.
Still fervently praying, this woman of faith acquired looks from her two companions. She remained silent for a time and then quietly said, “Lord, I forgive these people for what they’ve done and what they’re going to do. I ask that you forgive them too Lord.” One of the prisoners scoffed at her saying,” If your God is so real, why doesn’t He just bring you out of this? Where is He now?” The other criminal jumped up quickly and said, “Quiet! Can’t you see that her God is real? We are guilty of our crimes, she isn’t. She forgives her accusers and murderers!” He then turned to the woman and asked,” Is this Jesus available for me too? I know He’s real.” She replied,” Yes, today, because of your faith, you will see God.”
It’s a nice story. Touching really. Hallmark moment. The incredible thing is that it really happened. Not on these exact terms and in this particular setting, but with the Lord. Christ who was innocent, pure, and blameless (Hebrews 7:26) was arrested while praying, remorselessly beaten with no evidence of crime, and brutally murdered to pacify a political uprising. Through out all of these circumstances, Christ remained strong. Then on the cross, nailed between two criminals, Jesus spoke. He said,” Father, forgive these people because they don’t know what they are doing.”
Jesus forgave the people who were putting Him to death, the Jewish leaders, Roman leaders, Roman soldiers, and the bystanders… his own people. God answered Jesus’ prayers by making salvation available to His murders. The soldiers who witnessed the crucifixion realized that Jesus was God (Matthew 27:54) and many priests came to know Christ (Acts 6:7).
This profession of forgiveness caught the attention of the two criminals. One of them mocked Jesus, saying,” So, you’re the Messiah are you? Prove it by saving yourself- and us too while you’re at it!” Then the other criminal, realizing who the man next to him really was, protested,” Don’t you fear God even when you are dying? We deserve to die for our evil deeds, but this man hasn’t done anything wrong.” Then he turned to Jesus and said,” Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” Jesus then replied,” I assure you, today you will be with me paradise.” (Luke 23:39-43)
The criminal, on his deathbed, turned to Christ for forgiveness and Christ accepted him, essentially as the first saved man. What this shows is that our deeds don’t save us, our faith in Christ does. The criminal probably had lived a life of crime. He probably wasn’t considered a righteous or holy man, yet he understood and received salvation.
In His misery, Jesus had mercy on this criminal, forgave His murderers, and remained faithful to God. His forgiveness and self-lessnes is an example to be followed, yet it needs to be understood that it is one’s faith in Christ that saves them, not the things they do.

Nehemiah, Man of Prayer

2005-05-16T16:04:00.000-07:00

Nehemiah was an incredible man of prayer. He was an influential, credible man, cupbearer to the king of Babylon. He cared deeply for his hometown and his people.

He demonstrated how fasting and prayer go hand in hand, how maintaining a intimate relationship with God allows us to confidently approach the throne of grace in all circumstances and how praying for our enemies can encourage and strengthen us. Let’s take a look at his life and the example it leaves for us.

In Nehemiah 1:1-4 we see that Nehemiah received news of the walls of Jerusalem were torn down. This grieved him because Jerusalem was his homeland and the Jews were his own people. He recognized God’s anointing on Jerusalem and the Jews and it tore him apart seeing destruction upon God’s people.

Nehemiah’s first response in hearing the awful news was to fast and pray. Fasting and prayer go hand in hand. In fasting, Nehemiah was able to keep his complete focus upon God. He prayed pouring his heart out to God and looked for ways to improve the situation. In Nehemiah’s heartfelt prayer, he was able to receive clarification from the Lord, allowing the decisions that needed to be made fall in to proper perspective. By fasting and praying at the same time, Nehemiah’s whole being was directed to the Lord and open to hearing and receive instruction.

Many times in the book of Nehemiah we see him pray spontaneously (Nehemiah 2:4, 4:4-5, 4:9, 5:19, 6:14, 13:14, 13:22, 13:29). Nehemiah prayed at any time, even while talking with others. He knew that God is always in charge, is always present, and hears and answers every prayer (Even if it’s not the answer we want to hear). Nehemiah could confidently pray throughout the day and in every circumstance because he had established a deep, intimate relationship with God during times of extended prayer (Nehemiah 1:4-7).

If we want to reach God with our “emergency” prayers, we need to take time to cultivate a strong relationship with God through times of in-depth prayer. This not only builds our faith and allows us to have the confidence in God’s response, but also builds the communication and relationship with God. We should pray “boldly” (Hebrews 4:16) and in “all circumstances” (1 Thessalonians 5:17). We should be in constant prayer and not just pray when we need for God to give us a way out.
Nehemiah also shows us that when we pray for those who oppose us (our enemies) it can encourage us and bring us strength. Ridicule can cut us deeply. It can cause discouragement and despair. Sanballat and Tobiah (Nehemiah and the Jew’s enemies) used ridicule to try to dissuade the Jews from rebuilding the wall (Nehemiah 4:1-5). Instead of trading insults and being angry and bitter, Nehemiah prayed for his enemies, and the work on the wall continued.

Nehemiah didn’t pray for revenge, but for God’s justice. The Samaritans (Sanballat and Tobiah) were regarded as enemies to the cause of God and His people. The prayer Nehemiah prayed wasn’t one of hatred, revenge, or of personal gain, but one of zeal and passion for the glory of God. When we pray for those who are against God, and us our hearts should be in line with the Holy Spirit. We should pray for justice, not for our own gain and satisfaction, but for the glory of the Lord and growth of the kingdom.

All in all, Nehemiah’s life of prayer is an example for all Christians to follow. His fasting and prayer, emergency prayers, and prayers of justice reflect his heart. It wasn’t a heart of pride or greed but a heart burdened for the Lord’s people and the Lord’s work. We should look at Nehemiah’s life and consider applying some of his prayer habits to our own lives. Doing this will allow us to have proper perspective of the Lord and His will for our lives.